can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
