everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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