sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
