He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
