we made out on top of his cat.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
