the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
