my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize