i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize