I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
