Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it glows. i had to have it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
that may or may not have been my penis.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
