marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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