I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
