His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
