So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
