My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
