It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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