my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
