I wish my penis had an off switch
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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