she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
