Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize