remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
