is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
