Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
