curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
