Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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