just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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