After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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