So drunk its hurt
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
