Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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