i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
