You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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