Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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