he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
