I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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