mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
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