I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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