My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
