are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
