Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
