the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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