Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
