office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
