Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
