Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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