I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
