I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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