Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
