just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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