screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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