he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
3 2 1 whiskey
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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