What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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