Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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