I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
