I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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