in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
