Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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