Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
