after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
