For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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