i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
