The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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