3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
