And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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