I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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