I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
