I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
