her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
