There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
