Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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