just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
