I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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