How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
