We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Couch. On fire.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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