im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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