dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
