So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I cockslap morals
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
