No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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