I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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