we have pet lesbian snakes
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
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