Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
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