U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
