I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
